There's Something about Legolas
by Roselyne
Summary: Something wrong? Something good? Good ranger Aragorn will try to help. But the results can be sometimes.... frightening...


_**Disclaimer: **None of Tolkien's characters are mine (sad depressive sniffle)_

**THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT LEGOLAS**

** Chapter One - Legolas Doesn't Talk Much **

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_... especially if you compare the movie to the book where he is over-caffeined.  
__Did Peter Jackson turned the elves into creatures not able to express feelings?  
Let's listen to an ordinary conversation inside the fellowship on their way to Mordor..._

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Gandalf was running down the way, towards where the fellowship had made camp. He looked like someone who just made an amazing discovery, and who wanted to share it. Naturally, he went to Isildur's heir. "Aragorn! Aragorn!"

Aragorn raised an eyebrow towards him. "Yes Gandalf?"

"I have a joke!".Aragorn felt puzzled, cast a glance around him as if to seek for some help in case the old one had become senile, than –without any assistance- turned an encouraging (and somehow tensed) smile towards the maiar. "All right... Tell me..."

Gandalf breathed, and: "It's the story of the guy who spr--".

"--Aragorn, excuse me", Gimli interrupted the oldie's speech. "Have you seen Legolas lately?"

"No I didn't...", the ranger answered. The dwarf shrugged his shoulders and walked away. The ranger faced again the old maiar: "Please, continue, Gandalf...?"

"Well, that's all".

Aragorn missed a few seconds, then: "Wait, THAT was your joke?". He had the strange feelings he hasn't really woken up, this morning. That he had dreamt his awakening, but that he was still laying down in the soft and warm security of his blanket, far from this madness. "Uh yeah", Gandalf answered. Aragorn gazed at him for some other long seconds. "It's not funny."

Gandalf's face expression grew suddenly serious. "Bah, you don't have any sense of humor!". His face britghtened again: "I'm going to tell it to the others!".The old grey maiar then walked towards the hobbits, while the son of Gondor was sitting near the fire, not far from the ranger. Aragorn was still watching the maiar, puzzled.

"You know Boromir, I think Gandalf has finally become senile..."

In a distance, he could see – and hear - Gandalf, speaking to the hobbits, with a probable chance to get the same reaction from them than he had caught from the ranger. "Hey! Guys!". The hobbits turned their round food-full faces towards the magician, probably hoping for some fireworks."Yeah?"

Gandalf breathed in, then: "It's the story of the guy who spr!"

The hobbits collapsed in laughters, rolling on the grass, holding their stomac with tears in their eyes. Aragorn raised an eyebrow. "It's another culture..."

_'Speaking of culture... '_, he turned towards the blond human. "You know, Boromir, I wonder if Legolas is really happy with us". Boromir finished munching a piece of bread, looked thoughtful for awhile, then looked at the ranger: "Why would he stay if he wasn't?"

Aragorn shrugged. "I don't know... I perhaps have too big of an imagination..."

They remained silent for awhile, then Boromir spoke."But there's something I noticed about him, though...". Aragorn turned his eyes towards his human fellow. "That he's getting more and more susceptible?". He looked again in front of him. "Sure..."

Boromir frowned, as if wondering if he should say out loud his thoughts. Then, "I wonder if the ring might have some influence on him". But before Aragorn could ever object, in a distance, they heard Legolas, screaming, with rage actually.

**"What's WRONG WITH MY EARS, HEH ! "**

"Ah...", Boromir said with a tensed smile, "there he is."

"Legolas", Aragorn motioned him, "can you join us for a minute?". Legolas was almost startled by Aragorn's voice, then walked towards them, grumbling something quite close to _'Little stinking fucking dwarf!_'.Aragorn waited Legolas to be sit with them before he spoke quietly, his gaze deep into the elf's. "Legolas, don't you like being around us anymore?"

Legolas stiffened, as if not at ease, then: "It's not that, Aragorn, it's just that I have feelings..."

"Curious...", Boromir raised an eyebrow, "I never saw you as an organic being."

Legolas opened wide, questionning eyes, then smiled. "Oh, wait". He disappeard for a short moment, than came back with a pipe-organ and started playing it.

"I said organ**-IC** !", Boromir spoke louder, trying not to let the exasperation pass through his voice. Legolas stopped playing. "Oh, sorry..."

"You don't like humans very much, right, Legolas?", Aragorn started, even surprised by his own words. Couldn't he choose other softer, tactful words? But Legolas sat again, with them, looking down. "I admit". There was an unease silence among the three of them, only interrupted by a fly's fart. Then, Aragorn smiled softly. He knew Legolas' anger was legitimate, especially since his birthplace was constantly attacked by dark enemies, because some goofy human had refused to drop some ring into the lava 4000 years ago.

"Vent your anger on me, Legolas..."

Legolas raised a surprised look towards the ranger. Aragorn went on: "...as a human in general... You'll feel better afterwards...". Legolas' wide eyes never left the brown human. After a few seconds, he asked: "Are you sure...?"

Aragorn nodded peacefully, but raised a warning finger. "Just... do not attack me personally". Legolas didn't seem very fond of the idea. "But uh..."

"Only on general matters", Aragorn smiled again. It would help the elf if he could release the anger somehow swirling inside of him. The elf's gaze was looking away. "it's useless to..."

"As long as it's not personal", the ranger encouraged him.

"Well..."

"Go on, Legolas"

Legolas took a deep breath, then locked his gaze with the ranger's. **"**Liar!"

"That's it, tell me your opinion", Aragorn kept smiling peacefully.

"Coward!"

"Very good...", the smile was still on the ranger's face.

"Brainless!"

Aragorn's smile widened. **"**Yes, release all these bad feelings out!"

"Drunken!"

"It's perfect"

"Stinking human!"

"Good"

"Idiot!"

"Fine"

"Small dick!"

"a-ha!", Aragorn raised a warning finger again. "I said nothing personal."

Legolas' shoulders collapsed. "Aragorn, I think I'm gonna cry but I don't know how...". Aragorn passed a hand through his hair. "Well, try anyway, it will make you feel better". The encouraging smile was still there.

Legolas took a deep breath, then: "_Hee hu ayeuah heu hooww_"

"Eeerrr...", Aragorn didn't expect that. Neither Boromir, from the look on his face. Legolas seemed more beaten than ever before, "Damn...!". Aragorn felt some pity for him and put a hand on his shoulder. "Don't take it so bad... Let me lighten up your mood...". He paused to think of an idea brighter than Gandalf's first one. Then illumination came to him: "How do you know there is still a living hobbit under a pile of dead hobbits in a cart?"

Legolas raised a sceptical eyebrow towards the ranger. "I don't know..."

Aragorn breathed, then answered with a bright smile: "It's the one, when you unload him from the cart with a pitchfork, he shout _"**WAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaarhhh...**"_ ".

"Oheeuu rabrala heeee..."

Aragorn felt like all hope was leaving him and he looked at the ground. "I forgot you don't know how to laugh either..."

Legolas sighed. "My life sucks..."

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_ (to be continued... If you liked it ;-) )_**  
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_What "sanity"? oO;_


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